(Athiest) Boyz II (Christian) Men- An Observation from BUMP 2013

A few hours ago, I got back from BUMP in the Twin Cities. As always, it was an incredible experience! I'll explain BUMP quickly. Basically, it stands for Bridging Urban Missions Project. A bunch of churches from other cities partner with inner-city churches in Minneapolis and do things like block parties, VBS, and soccer camps. Lots of cool stuff happened (including conversions!), but probably the coolest part for me was getting to know my group better. However selfish that may sound, just give me a chance to explain myself. Yes, the purpose of this mission trip was to share Christ, and we did! God was the center of this week, and that was the sweetest part.
Here's where the title of the post comes into play.
On this trip, there were 15 people, 7 girls and 8 boys, plus our youth pastor. I was friends with all of the girls, but the boys were kind of more like acquaintances. I knew Ayom, Reese, and Hudson pretty well, but the other boys (Carey, Nathan, Daniel, Andrew, and Ethan)... not so much! But this week, God really shows me how Christianity changes boys into men.

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” -John 13:35

This week, the guys from my church had servants' hearts. That sounds cheesy, I know, but it's true. For example, this morning, we had to have our extra mattresses and luggage down in the lobby by 8AM. Carey, Grant, Hudson, and Ayom showed up at our door at 7:45 to take it all down for us. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but it really is! This simple action shows that they really do want to help us girls out, even if there's nothing in it for them. God showed me how they can be an example for me in my life- by taking our stuff down to the lobby for us, they're showing their love for us, which mirrors Christ's love for us. This small gesture will definitely impact how I treat people at school when it starts in a month. Their actions remind me that people who know I'm a Christian will be watching my every move. Will I be loving everyone I come in contact with? God really used these men to impact my life. (Sorry, off topic tangent!)

Anyways, back to the real topic! I remember some of these guys (Hudson and Ayom) before they were Christians. I love these guys now, but before, they were just jerks. I remember that Hudson used to leave youth group during the sermon and go chuck rocks at the side of the church. He was obnoxious and rude and mean, and no one really wanted to be around him. Ayom was always making mean jokes and making fun of people. Sometimes, when I think of these two guys, these are the versions of them I think of. I mean, it was only a year or two ago when they were like this. That's what made getting to know them more this week even better- knowing where they came from. This week, they were the perfect Christian gentlemen. Us girls never had to open our own doors, carry our own shopping bags, or put our own dirty dishes away. They always eagerly volunteered to do it. The coolest part was that it wasn't only Hudson and Ayom, but all 8 guys acted this way! The boys really showed their love for us by the little things they did, and I know for a fact that non-Christians took notice and wondered why they were doing this. Like Lecrae says in one of his songs- "if you catch me giving up money so someone can eat, it's really God working in me, I'm not that sweet". I know that these guys weren't this sweet before they came in contact with God. I love love love seeing the change in them!

Another example. About a month ago, when I was in Colorado for a conference with church, we were given a little list of characteristics that a true man of God would have. We laughed at it and called it dumb and cheesy, but now that I'm looking back on it, I realize that most of the things on that list are true. The top characteristic on the list was "He talks about God more than himself." I laughed at that bullet point and said something along the lines of "HA, I'll spend forever trying to find a guy who fits that description!" (I could go on about pride & humility, but I'll save that for a different post!) But God definitely had a plan to prove me wrong.
My friend Abby had a friend in Minneapolis who we met at a Christian conference named Ben, so we invited him to come hang out with us one night. He came, and we were all playing a game, when this sweet guy named Ethan pulled me aside and asked "Who is Abby's friend?" I told him he was Abby's friend Ben, and we met him at a Christian conference. The very next question he asked was, "Does he have a firm standing with the Lord?", and that just blew me away. I figured he would ask something like "Oh, are they dating?" or "How old is he?", ya know? But nope, the first thing he asked about was Ben's relationship with the Lord. Obviously, if Ethan wasn't a Christian himself, this question wouldn't have even crossed his mind. This one single question that Ethan asked was an obvious indication of where his heart is, and I love that. I told the other girls what Ethan and I's conversation was, and they all went "awww"! God really changes guys. When they go from non-Christian to Christian, the change is so obvious.

Last night, we were at a place where there were lots of young ladies in short dresses. I was nervous for the guys; I was nervous that they'd feel super uncomfortable or tempted. To my surprise, (I guess I shouldn't have been surprised), any time they'd see a girl coming, they'd just close their eyes, and they even asked us girls to warn them if one was going to come up behind them. And once again, this wasn't only a couple guys, but most (if not all) of them! I felt so respected and loved. Our guys were trying so hard to stay pure, and I really admire them. To me, I think this is one of the ultimate measures of a man- purity. How they will do whatever it takes to keep those thoughts out of their heads. I love that. In my opinion, trying to be pure is the most attractive thing in a man. :)

I loved getting to spend last week with this group of kind, chivalrous, and Godly men. Lots of testimonies were shared, even had a few "cry sesh"s (not really, but we did in theory :)), and we were all able to help each other through a lot this week. I sincerely love every guy from FEFC who was at BUMP. God showed me that most men of the world act rude or mean, because they haven't realized God's love for them, but true men of faith love people the way God loves them. These were only a few examples from this week (I have dozens more), but I think I've demonstrated my point. I love the change that happens in a guy's heart when they encounter God. Boys to men.

One Foot In, One Foot Out

Last week, while I was in Colorado at a youth conference with my church, I heard a speaker say something that really made me think. He was talking about worldliness. He used the expression "one foot in, one foot out." Like, part of you is stuck in the world and the material things you love, but the other part of you is following God. It's like following God, but with a ton of extra baggage to drag around. He referenced the verse, "To live is Christ, and to die is gain." Now, many people like to quote that verse and say, "Wahoo! To live is Christ! Yeah! I agree! That's how I'm living my life!", but they tend to shrink back a little when they read "to die is gain" (myself included). Dying is scary. And there are a lot of things we just don't want to give up (family, friends, hobbies, etc.). Sooooo, to kind of "save our stuff", we are about our worldly things, but we "also" care about God and following Him.
I got a wake up call today. I woke up feeling a little sore, headache, fatigue, etc. Throughout the day though, it got worse, as I ended up taking four naps and now have a 101.4 fever. My dad took me to the doctor, and all they could say is "well, it's not strep!" LIKE REALLY?! WITH ALL THE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY THESE DAYS, THAT'S ALL YOU CAN TELL ME?! They did say it could be any virus, including mono. Mono, as in it takes six weeks to recover. It's most likely mono, but I have to come back in a week so they can get an official blood test done. When the doctor said mono, my ears just turned off. Ohhh nooo. Anything but mono! I leave for a mission trip in 19 days to run a soccer camp, and I can't go if I have mono!! This is my last year at this mission trip, and I had it all planned out in my head. I already have a roommate. I talked to the people we met last year on this trip; they're all so excited for us to come! And drumline. Ohhhh don't even get me started on drumline. I'd have to miss our twice-a-week practices, and possibly even spat camp in August! Which means either A. I'd have to memorize all of the drill and music in a very little amount of time, after everyone else had learned it, or B. I'd get kicked off the line. After last year, when the results were posted and I saw that I'd gotten cymbals for the second year in a row, I was devastated! How could God take away drumline for the second year in a row! I've worked so hard! Today has just been God showing me that I can't have one foot in and one foot out. Why am I so reluctant to give up drumline? I know it's just a group of guys who have a bad influence on me. I know God's been wanting me to give it up for a while now, but I didn't think he'd take it away like this. I know, I know, the doctor still doesn't know for sure if I have mono, but if I do... I'm gonna try not to lose it. I'm going to try my best and take this stupid sickness as a blessing. I'm really going to try. Maybe it's just God's way of yanking my foot out of the things of this world. Although I guess I'm not dying, it feels pretty close to it. God's showing me that to live is not drumline, and to die to this world is not the worst thing that could happen.

sad sappy love post

Last night at about 1:30am, one of my friends told me that she recently got a DUI. I consider her one of my very dear friends and a role model, as she is a few years older than me. When she told me she got a DUI, I thought I'd be angry, or disappointed, or something along those lines. But honestly, I wasn't. All I felt towards her was love. I mean, I probably should feel somewhat angry at her for her decision, but I don't. I'm sad for her. I'm sad that she has to deal with this on her record, right as she's starting her career. I'm sad that she has to pay for lawyers and tickets and whatever else you have to pay for when you get a DUI. I love her, and I just want what's best for her. Last night, as I was thining these thoughts, I finally understood how God feels about me. He doesn't look at me with disgust when I mess up. He is loving and kind and caring. Pastor Randy was talking about this in the sermon a few weeks ago. We can't fully love each other until we know God, because His love makes us want to love others. God used last night to show me how he feels about me when I make a bad decision. I hope my friend can see that I'm not angry and I'm not disappointed. I hope she can see how much I love her, because I love her to pieces and I'm sad that this one decision could impact her the rest of her life.
Well, that's enough sad sappy love posts for today. Until next time...

Catholic Stuff

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to dis Catholics. So please, please, PLEASE, don't comment on this saying things like "WE CAN ALL BELIEVE WHAT WE WANT KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF YOU ARE SO RUDE CATHOLICS ARE CHRISTIANS TOO YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CATHOLICS" etc. I'm not starting a fight.
Now that we got that out of the way...
I was just watching the 10:00 news on KELO, and they had a story on the election of the new pope. Aren't the things the pope says considered 'absolute truth'? I just don't understand how you can elect someone to speak the absolute truth. This sounds creepy and cult-ish, but sometimes, I worry about things like, What if the new elected pope is the anti-Christ? That'd be nuts. That's one of the reasons why I personally enjoy being protestant- I can put my trust in God and God alone, and not in Mary, or Pope Benedict, or some elected new pope, because I know that absolute truth only comes from God. Also, the reporter says that there are two possible candidates for the new pope who are from America. The catholic woman she was interviewing said something like, "I'm really glad there are two Americans who have a chance of being the pope. If one of them becomes the pope, it will be nice to be able to relate to them." Like, if your preference of who becomes pope is based on which country they come from......... sigh. I don't know. I don't know tons about Catholicism, so maybe I'm completely wrong about everything I just said. That news story just irritated me. Rubbed me the wrong way, I guess.

"spring"

Spring should be a time of new life. But this year, all I can see is death. This morning in physics, Mr. Wells told us his dad was expected to die of cancer in the next week or so. Right after that, we watched a terribly sad video about Jorgen Yde in adroom. Yes, it was a video meant to encourage us to donate to JY6000, but it really just reminded most students the sadness we felt as a student body the day when he passed away. Later in adroom, Mrs. Waagmeester asked us to go outside during 5th period on Friday to watch the funeral procession of the Vollmer family. We're allowed to stand on the curb of Cliff Ave in silence to show our respect. This has been an incredibly sad day so far. I wonder how many more deaths we'll have to go through as a student body before spring truly comes. Yes, I know in Christ, I have new life and I should feel excited about this time of year when other things come back to life too, but right now, honestly, I just feel dreary.

Worlds Apart- Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

 I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Don't Stop the Madness

She tried to kill herself last summer. Then just a couple weeks ago, she was readmitted to the psych ward of a hospital for trying to do it again. She is your stereotypical Asian, piano-playing, intellectual. I would've never tagged her as someone who would try to kill herself. She was released from the hospital last week, but I'm terrified for her. What if her meds don't work?! Death scares me. Of course, her trying to die has everything to do with me and how I feel, because everything has to be about Katie. I don't want to live without her, I don't want to feel guilty, I don't want to know that I could've done something to save her. Sorry. Tangent.
And then, just a couple days ago, a different friend of mine started tweeting weird things, so I asked him if he was alright. "Rough couple of months", he said. We talked for about half an hour longer, and in this time, I heard "My life isn't worth it. I'm done. I'm 17 years old and I'm done living." which terrified me, of course. I know he's had a tough life. But still, doesn't he want a future?! He spilled that he wanted to die within the first five minutes of us talking, and we're not really that good of friends, which makes me wonder how many people actually ask him how he's doing.
Tangent- I hate when people go "How are you doing? Oh I'm good, how are you doing? I'm good too!" Like this question is asked so nonchalantly. It serves no purpose. No one's going to say "How are you doing? Oh, I'm actually thinking about suicide. How are you doing?" Like that will never come up in casual conversation. Which is why I can't stress enough the importance of asking someone how they're really doing. Ok. Tangent's over.
On another side note, there isn't really anything you can say to comfort a suicidal atheist friend. "It'll be okay!" "How do you know?" "Uhh..." Yeah. There are really no good non-Christian "comfort phrases." You know, like "God loves you." "God has a plan." "Just believe in Him, that's all you need." etc. Ok, end of tangent #3.
Anyways, being the selfish person I am, I must admit that all these thoughts about death are scaring the crap outta me. Like, God, whyyyyyy do my friends want to die?! I can't understand it! But then, the other day, I heard this song.
Don't Stop the Madness by Tenth Avenue North
Don't stop the madness,
Don't stop the chaos,
Don't stop the pain surrounding me,
Don't be afraid, Lord, to break my heart,
Just bring me down to my knees.
All I hear is what they're selling me,
That God is love, He isn't suffering,
And "what you need is a little faith and prosperity."

I know God is using the suicidal people around me to show me his love. That may sound crazy, but it's His way to bring me to my knees. I know there's more to God than just His lovey-dovey side. He's showing me that I can't fix everyone, no matter how much I want to. It's not up to me who lives and who dies. I'm scared for my friends; I don't know if they'll end up living or dying.
Partying will not satisfy. Drugs will not satisfy. Sex will not satisfy. Death will not satisfy.
Lord, don't stop the madness, and don't stop the pain surrounding me, if that's what it takes to bring me to my knees. But please, please, please, show my friends that life is worth living.

1st Grade Politics

So, I didn't make this blog to rant about political things. However, this blog post will have a bit of political mumbo-jumbo in it. I apologize. I am quite socially conservative, however, I'm a little bit economically liberal. I'm Pro-Life and I want free market, but I do like a few (emphasis on the few) of the things that President Obama said tonight during the State of the Union Address.
As many of you know, I work as a mentor for a little over an hour a day in a 1st grade classroom in a pretty poor neighborhood. I help with sharpening pencils, filing, and organization, but I spend most of my time reading with the kids or helping them through their classwork. These kids are the greatest, and to all of my friends, I'm sorry that I talk about them every day :) Recently, our classroom had a cockroach infestation (EW) because one of the kids would bring them from his house. Like the cockroaches would just settle into his backpack and clothes, and he would accidentally bring them to school. Poor guy. We'll call this little boy "N", just for privacy purposes :)
Today was our Valentine's Day party because there's no school on the 14th. I asked N what kind of valentine he was going to bring for the class (I brought puppies and baseball). He said "I dunno, whatever my mom can find at Walmart, 'cause she works there." He's so precious. It's not this sweet boy's fault that his father left, or that his mom works at Walmart. Why am I mentioning this? Because his family is a family who would benefit from Obama's proposed raise of minimum wage from $7.25 to $9.00. He deserves so much better. And with a single mom and two siblings, they're barely scraping by. Like what the heck, the kid has cockroaches in his house, in his backpack, in his clothes. Today I laughed while saying "Silly, your hair is sticking up all over the place!" and N replied with "Yeah, that's 'cause I didn't get to rinse off this morning." I can smell the kids. I know when they haven't showered for a few days. I've seen their files. Most of the parents either work at Walmart or John Morrell's. I hope Obama goes through with his plan to raise minimum wage to $9. It would SO benefit these kids.
Also, on a side note, N bought me a chocolate sucker for Valentine's Day that said "Teachers make the cut!" I bought that sucker for the teacher in my classroom. It was $2. $2 is a lot of money for a kid with two siblings whose mom earns minimum wage at Walmart. I love that little boy. He is so precious.
Everyday I walk into that classroom and see those 17 kids. Most of their families are on Food Stamps. Six of them are part of the Backpack Program. Seven of them are ELL students. But every time I see them, my day changes for the better. I can be having the worst day ever, but I know as soon as I walk in, J will say "TERE!", M will compliment my shoes, and A will tell me about a math problem she solved. These kids deserve so much more than they have.
I hope Obama can give their working parents $9 an hour.

Predestination & Grace

For the last three Sunday mornings, my youth pastor has been giving a mini-series about predestination. We've been looking at different verses and books and videos, trying to figure out the details. We were instructed to chew on it and to challenge each other on what we believe, which left us all with tons of questions. Here's what I've gathered:

God said we were predestined before the beginning of the world. So how did he choose who to save and who to damn to hell? One of the elders in my church said that because he can see into the future, he saw who would become Christians & he predestined them based on their future actions. But then that contradicts grace, because grace means that we can't do anything to deserve it. So if he looked in the future and said "Oh, Katie is going to choose to love me, so I will predestine her to be saved", then that's not true grace, because I had to do something to gain His favor. So does that mean we're all just chosen randomly, and I became a Christian because God predestined me to become a Christian? So God chooses who to save and who to damn. But that isn't fair.
What is fair?
Sending any people at all to heaven isn't fair. We all deserve to go to hell. This morning we looked back on the story of the twins Esau and Jacob in Romans 9:13. The Bible says "Just as it is written: 'Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.'" Why did Jacob get to be loved and blessed? Why was Esau hated for no reason?! This makes me mad. I think this is unfair. They should both get to be blessed!! In another verse in Romans, Romans 9:11, it says "Yet, before the twins were born of had done anything good or bad- in order that God's purpose in election might stand". They were saved BEFORE they had done anything good or bad. That is grace.
Romans 9:14-16: "What than shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, 'I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.' It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God's mercy."
God knows if we will ever accept him or not. But does that influence his decision on who to predestine or not? No! Hooray for grace!
Grace, only grace, can roll my cold heart's stone away!