One Foot In, One Foot Out

Last week, while I was in Colorado at a youth conference with my church, I heard a speaker say something that really made me think. He was talking about worldliness. He used the expression "one foot in, one foot out." Like, part of you is stuck in the world and the material things you love, but the other part of you is following God. It's like following God, but with a ton of extra baggage to drag around. He referenced the verse, "To live is Christ, and to die is gain." Now, many people like to quote that verse and say, "Wahoo! To live is Christ! Yeah! I agree! That's how I'm living my life!", but they tend to shrink back a little when they read "to die is gain" (myself included). Dying is scary. And there are a lot of things we just don't want to give up (family, friends, hobbies, etc.). Sooooo, to kind of "save our stuff", we are about our worldly things, but we "also" care about God and following Him.
I got a wake up call today. I woke up feeling a little sore, headache, fatigue, etc. Throughout the day though, it got worse, as I ended up taking four naps and now have a 101.4 fever. My dad took me to the doctor, and all they could say is "well, it's not strep!" LIKE REALLY?! WITH ALL THE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY THESE DAYS, THAT'S ALL YOU CAN TELL ME?! They did say it could be any virus, including mono. Mono, as in it takes six weeks to recover. It's most likely mono, but I have to come back in a week so they can get an official blood test done. When the doctor said mono, my ears just turned off. Ohhh nooo. Anything but mono! I leave for a mission trip in 19 days to run a soccer camp, and I can't go if I have mono!! This is my last year at this mission trip, and I had it all planned out in my head. I already have a roommate. I talked to the people we met last year on this trip; they're all so excited for us to come! And drumline. Ohhhh don't even get me started on drumline. I'd have to miss our twice-a-week practices, and possibly even spat camp in August! Which means either A. I'd have to memorize all of the drill and music in a very little amount of time, after everyone else had learned it, or B. I'd get kicked off the line. After last year, when the results were posted and I saw that I'd gotten cymbals for the second year in a row, I was devastated! How could God take away drumline for the second year in a row! I've worked so hard! Today has just been God showing me that I can't have one foot in and one foot out. Why am I so reluctant to give up drumline? I know it's just a group of guys who have a bad influence on me. I know God's been wanting me to give it up for a while now, but I didn't think he'd take it away like this. I know, I know, the doctor still doesn't know for sure if I have mono, but if I do... I'm gonna try not to lose it. I'm going to try my best and take this stupid sickness as a blessing. I'm really going to try. Maybe it's just God's way of yanking my foot out of the things of this world. Although I guess I'm not dying, it feels pretty close to it. God's showing me that to live is not drumline, and to die to this world is not the worst thing that could happen.